How To Set Healthy Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty: A Personal Journey To Setting Healthy Boundaries

Ready! Set! Go!

August 11, 2025

"You have the right to protect your energy, your time, and your mental health."

Ring....Ring! Hello, It's Your Boundaries Calling!

 

I'm not going to lie; I've never been a "yes man". I've never had a problem with saying no to something that I was uncomfortable in participating. However, the guilt that I would from saying no sometimes was overwhelming. It was draining me energetically; I was becoming resentful and losing myself in the process.

I realized I had boundaries, but the process of living within them wasn't healthy. Without healthy boundaries, I was giving away my energy, time, and mental peace far too freely.

What Does It Mean to Set Healthy Boundaries (For Me)?

 

Despite what many may think, setting healthy boundaries isn’t about pushing people away. It’s about protecting your mental, emotional, and physical well-being while maintaining respectful relationships. I wish I could get my sister to understand this. She thinks because I don't have a problem with saying "no", that I'm being mean or trying to push others away. That's not the case at all. I'm just protecting me (my mental peace) as well as you.  That's my sister though and I wouldn't trade her for anything 😁 (I have learned how to use emojis in blogs).

Back to the subject at hand, healthy boundaries are the guidelines I set to protect my personal space, time, and energy, as well as for the protection of those around me. They help me stay balanced and prevent burnout.

So What Are Some Types of Healthy Boundaries, You Might Ask?

 

There are numeruous types of boundaries that can be established. Boundaries are dependent on the individual; therefore, I can't really give a definitive list of healthy boundaries. However, I will list a few just give a general idea.

Physical Boundaries: Your personal space and physical needs (e.g., needing alone time in the morning or a specific time of the day).

Emotional Boundaries: Protecting your feelings from manipulation or disrespect (e.g., “I don’t allow yelling in conversations"). If we are on the phone and fall into a heated conversation. I will respectfully tell you that I'm not going to have this conversation under these circumstances and I will call you back. Believe it or not, this really upsets some people, and I don't understand why. I would rather you express this to me instead of just hanging up the phone on me. 

Time Boundaries: Managing your schedule and commitments (e.g., “I can’t take on another project right now.”)

Digital Boundaries: Regulating online communication (e.g., “I don’t check work emails after 6 p.m."). I complete a lot of work digitally, so my phone is on "do not disturb" a lot. There are a lot of people (non-business, of course) who get upset if you don't answer their call the first time. Listen buttercup, my world doesn't revolve around you. Respect my time and I'll respect yours. As y'all might have noticed, I have to practice a great deal of mindfulness on this one. I can admit that I'm not perfect.

These are just a few of the categories that boundaries fall within. As stated, boundaries are dependent upon the individual.

So How Did I Learn How To Set Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty?

 

If you’ve ever felt selfish for saying “no,” you’re not alone. People-pleasing is a dangerous trap. I had to retrain my mindset to see boundaries as self-respect, not rejection. 

Here’s what worked for me:

I Reframe “No” as Self-Care

I think of saying no as making room for the things that truly matter, my rest, my passions, my health. Remember, mindset plays a major role in setting healthy boundaries.

I Started Small

I begin with low-pressure boundaries, like not responding to non-urgent texts late at night. Over time, it becomes easier to set bigger ones.

I Use Kind but Firm Language

“I” statements keep things respectful:

• “I’m not able to commit to that right now.”

• “I need to recharge tonight, so I’ll skip the event.”

  
  

I'm not afraid to acknowledge what I need.

I Accept That I'm Not Responsible for Others’ Emotions

If someone is upset by my boundary, it doesn’t necessarily mean that I am wrong. It may mean they were used to having unlimited access to my time and energy. Everyone is not meant to have access to me, and those who are, have a limit. 

I Replace Guilt with Gratitude

Instead of dwelling on guilt, I focus on the peace, clarity, and energy I've gained by saying no. This is a major one. When we replace the negative with the positive, our whole outlook begin to change for the best.

Are There Any Benefits To Setting Healthy Boundaries? Of Course, There Are!

So you maybe wondering, what are the benefits to setting healthy boundaries? For me, once I started honoring my limits, I noticed that my stress levels dropped tremendously. I no longer worry about what this or that person thinks just because I'm making moves to protect my well-being. I have more time for things I genuinely enjoy because I am no longer stressed as much. I feel more confident and at peace and I love this for me.

Boundaries aren’t selfish. They are one of the highest forms of self-care. They allow me to show up as my best self instead of my burnt-out self.

We're Allowed To Protect Our Peace

 

If you’re struggling with setting boundaries without guilt, remember this: saying no to what drains you is saying yes to what fulfills you.

We have the right to protect our energy, our time, and our mental health. The more we practice, the more natural it will feel.

I hope this blog has found you in good spirits and that you have enjoyed reading my thoughts on setting healthy boundaries. I have really enjoyed sharing my personal experiences with you and I truly look forward to sharing more. Please check back weekly for my latest blogs. Some will be on the personal side such as this one and some will be about spreading awareness, as I am about spreading awareness. Until next time.

-Daphne Oh

Kay Bea Presents

"Same World, Different Perspective

References

1. Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (2017). Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. Zondervan.

2. Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. HarperCollins.

3. Smith, M., Robinson, L., & Segal, J. (2023). Setting Healthy Boundaries. HelpGuide.org. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/setting-healthy-boundaries.htm